Friday, December 15, 2006

2006: Things Exitfare Doesn't Get, part 2

I have to start this post by saying that I totally agree with Dany about Joanna Newsom. I cannot for the life of me begin to understand why so many people like her music. The songs are overly orchestrated, quirky for quirkiness' sake, tediously long in some cases, and her voice makes me want to hurt baby bunnies. That said, I completely disagree with him about Sufjan Stevens who, to me, is the anti-Joanna Newsom. Sufjan expertly balances song form with dynamic orchestration managing to create quirky songs that still work without feeling convoluted or pretentious.

Moving on... here are some things that I just don't get:

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Tenacious D

After Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny came out to disappointly low numbers, Dany said "they should have released the movie three years ago when people actually cared about Tenacious D." Here's the thing, I don't remember anyone ever caring about Tenacious D. Sure, I once watched the "Wonderboy" video to see Dave Grohl dressed up as the devil and yes, I laughed a little. Key phrase being a little. But I don't know anyone who actually liked the song or owned any of their albums. Plus, their "we're fat, uncool comedians trying to rock" schtick was done to perfection by the Blues Brothers who I'd much rather watch any day of the week. Or The Darkness, who write better songs and manage to be funnier (with hot British accents nonetheless). Seriously, Jack Black needs to go back to acting and Kyle Gass needs to go back to sitting on his couch so that Tenacious D will finally die the death it deserves.

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Zune can zap tunes to your friends! You can hold it sideways! Wow, I'm totally going to sell my IPod and buy one today! Not. The guys over at Microsoft obviously don't get it--personal music players are not meant for socializing. The whole attraction of headphones is to ignore the people around you. Forget the fact that I can't actually hook the Zune up to my PowerBook G4. Forget their lame attempts to hire college students to use the product in major cities and sending bloggers to test it out in hopes of good press. Neither tactic makes the player worthwhile or cool. Leave it up to Microsoft to copy Apple and turn out an inferior product. Again.

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Indie Kids who like the new Gwen Stefani/Justin Timberlake

What's with all the indie kids getting down to Gwen Stefani and Justin Timberlake's new albums? I can't tell you how many blogs I've seen with one or both of the albums in their top twenty of the year... which is weird to me, because both of the records are fucking awful. Do slim leg jean, ballet flat wearing hipsters get hot from Gwen's yodelling? Does Mr. JT's repetitive, mindnumbing talking on "Sexy/Back" make their penises hard? The only good thing to come from Justin Timberlake this year is "My Love" and that's mostly due to T.I. Whereas the only good thing to come out of Gwen this year is her son Kingston. Oh yeah, I went there. Seriously, indie kids: go back to talking about The Knife and Grizzly Bear and whoever else you like these days... at least I can stomach that shit.

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PS. Gwen, you need to fire your photographer. Your promo pictures for this album are ridiculous, but not in a good way.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two corrections.

First, Dave Ghrol was dressed as the Devil in the video for "Tribute", not Wonderboy. Also, the Tenacious D album sold well over a million copies, so quite a few people bought their album.

5:34 PM EST  
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